I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
