when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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