Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
