That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize