In the future we'll all be gay
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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