Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
