Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
