Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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