My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
