I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
