You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
