Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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