turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
