nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
