am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
