i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
