Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
