she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
