Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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