he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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