walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
