I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
