my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
