I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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