he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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