My underwear smells like fireworks.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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