So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
