somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
