I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
