Quick, to the slutcave!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
