I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
