Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You made out with two different species that night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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