I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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