Banned from zoo.
Again?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
