The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize