it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are the jesus of drinking
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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