so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
