he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
