I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
