I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
