WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
