My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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