So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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