check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
