Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
