I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
