I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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