just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
