oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Did I show you my penis last night?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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