...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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