I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
