I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
