Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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