worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
