You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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