I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
