I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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