I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
