i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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