Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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