did you get engaged???
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
