Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
