So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
