Pappa wants mamma naked
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
