You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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