it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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