Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
