You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
