Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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