i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
