I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
