At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
True but thats because hes a fetus.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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