just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
