Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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