if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
