I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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