hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
