It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
