that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
