i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
