i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
