I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
