I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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