I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
