too bad you live with your parents still
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
