It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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