I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
